Why did the Florida man steal all those pool floats?

He told cops the alternative was rape.

Trust us, you don’t want to envision the logistics of this one.

According to the Palm Bay Police Department in Brevard County, “the city has been plagued with burglaries in which the suspect cuts the screen or otherwise enters a victim’s back pool deck area and steals only pool floats.”

Court records in the Palm Bay-Melbourne-Titusville region of Florida say there have been an estimated 13 reports so far this year concerning this mysterious pool toy crime wave.

According to the affidavit, police say Christopher William Monnin, 35, is behind the thefts. “Multiple victims indicated that they had been burglarized several times by this person but only reported it on the second or third burglary of their floats.”

The burglary that led to his arrest happened on June 5 when police say Monnin cut the pool screen to get onto the deck of a home in Palm Bay. Police stopped Monnin “as a suspicious person” who was riding his bicycle on a city street Thursday around 1:25 a.m. They say he had a white garbage bag full of what Monnin identified as deflated pool floats.

Monnin took officers to a vacant house where he allegedly stored floats. About 75 of them were found, including ones that the June 5 victim described. These were one long white float and one long blue float.

The “defendant stated that he sexually gratifies himself with the pool floats instead of raping women,” the arrest report read.

Monnin was charged with burglary of an occupied dwelling, petit theft of property less than $300 and criminal mischief of $200 or less.

His total bond at Brevard County Jail on the three charges is $16,000. As a condition of his release he must be fitted with a GPS monitoring device. Monnin will be arraigned on July 16 at Moore Justice Center.